just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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