Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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