Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
