I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
