i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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