Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
