but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
