who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
