so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
