As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
