Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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