My sheets look like a crime scene.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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