hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
