Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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