I just cut my nipple shaving
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
