you guys were way drunker than both of me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
