I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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