I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
