If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
