I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
