3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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