She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
