I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
