Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
