Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
