I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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