Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
