my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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