Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
