so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
