I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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