I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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