Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
