absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
