Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
