so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
