Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
