She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
