he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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