just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
