Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
