Welp...herpes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
