Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't notice because vodka
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
