You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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