Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
