Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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