just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
