I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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