Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
