Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
